Purged by Sparticle

Unintended Consequences

Bad decisions make for good stories. But of course with jail students these stories morph to the point that I am worried I will be incarcerated for absolutely no reason. If you listen carefully at the onset of their saga for the inevitable "someone said I . . ." you get the truth. If you only hear what follows, you will be left wondering why the Vatican moves so slowly on sainthood applications. My peace of mind requires me to focus on the "what follows."

Right now I have a very focused group of six guys who have formed somewhat of a vocabulary club. I had them read Maclom X' Homemade Education and now they keep word folders and pour over dictionaries to add to their lists. They will individually sneak over to me and ask me to give them a word "on the sly." I guess this is their new way of one upping. Yesterday, when one asked for a "private word" he rejected several until I suggested "omniscient." For some reason, this was more satisfying than "hapless" or "morose."

I also write some random words on the board every day. And they use them. Yesterday, withing minutes of consulting a dictionary, JP said "my baby's momma is decrepit." 

Forgive me, ladies.

Stymied

From a student paper:

"If logos were used more by Al-Jazeera, he may have had a more effective argument."

Let's hope Al doesn't issue a Fatwa.

Reality Check

My favorite student's current case:

Count No.	Statute	Description	Severity	Disposition
1	940.235(1)	Strangulation and Suffocation	Felony H
2	940.19(1)	Battery	Misd. A
3	940.45(1)	Intimidate Victim/Use or Attempt Force	Felony G
4	940.19(1)	Battery	Misd. A
5	948.02(1)(e)	1st Degree Child Sex Assault - Sexual Contact with Person under Age of 13	Felony B
6	948.02(1)(e)	1st Degree Child Sex Assault - Sexual Contact with Person under Age of 13	Felony B

Nothing Personal, Site Admin.

Sure, I've accepted the fact that I can't use the same password (1111) for everything. But what I can't handle are the change your password every three months using a combination of a minimum of six letters and numbers that you have never used before type places.

 I hope to never call any of you to retrieve 'fuckyou2."

Interrupt me, please

Working at home has its perks. Like being easily able to justify a new computer. And since working at home is still too much like work, I wasted little time setting up Outlook and synchronizing it with my social mail of choice: Gmail. And with over eight zillion kegowitz of storage space, and counting, it took a long while to transfer over 4,000 messages.

But while Outlook hummed along for the past few days, it gave me a taste of what will soon be a source of a most welcome distraction. Auto email alerts! With the subject lines popping up whenever they arrive, there will be no more waiting to get to such news as:

• Your head is beeping. I hope it explodes
• La Lune

• happy new time

• happy friday

• happy happy

• RE. RE. sexy nap

• FW: Fwd: [BSBB] Wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much time on their hands.....

• RE: RE: RE: Let's go back to the Hot Guys In The Woods

• A more proper response: "Fuck you, really."

• This is mostly about stupid stuff for which I do not apologize. Given the length, I certainly had time to do so

• Schmoetry fills the mind of otherwise lucid individuals like so much green snot in a Kleenix

Just One More Thing

For those of you who think you can just put your pajamas on inside out and get a snow day, Emily says it's not that simple. You also have to flush an ice cube down the toilet. 

Dilbert Hits Home

My sister occasionally clips random newspaper articles and mails them to me. Some of them have been on the refrigerator for so long they no longer need a magnet. So before it hits the trash, I'll share a Dilbert cartoon:

Aunt: "Your cousin Lauren just got her degree in english. Can you give her some career advice?"

Dilbert: "Would you enjoy scratching out a meager living in a frustrating work environment?"

Lauren: "I've never thought about it."

Dilbert: "Obviously."

 

The Family that Prays Together . . .

Turns out, I love teaching at the jail. I end every session with a book auction which entails grabbing random books and creating interest. Sample pitch for 1984: "I can't believe they let this one in here! Government mind control exposed!" If I prattle on long enough, someone will take it. "Sold to the lady in orange."

The students are a bit more excited by the daily parade of male prisoners going by our window on their way to their pods. Yes, they are called pods. 

"There's my brother."

"Look at. My baby's daddy." 

Another Day Another Fear

Not knowing what to expect for a jail training session, I dressed in loose clothing assuming we would be throwing each other down on mats and yelling a lot. Instead, we played a version of Worst Case Scenario for four hours.  After completing the session, including jail hostage situations, my latest big fear is of the picture of me that will accompany the local headline news story when I am taken hostage or help someone escape. No doubt, it will be taken from my ID badge. Well if some jerk with a sharp pencil or whatnot wants to have a go, I will kill both of us rather than live that down. 

But really, I am VERY excited to start teaching at the jail this fall. 

Quality Control

Me: "You can't go outside by yourself."

Rain: "The workmen will watch me"

The "workmen" were delighted to find that trees made it impossible to actually reach the area they needed to pour. This meant they had to haul it with a million or so wheelbarrow trips. Thank goodness they had some supervision.

"Hey, aren't you tired? Where are your friends? Are you tired now?"