Purged by Sparticle

Melanoma

Mela-no-matter really. Here one day, gone the next. Although judging by my scar, I'd say the surgeon's making a woman suit.

And the bright side:

• Between the diagnosis and surgery I played the sympathy card when someone stole cribbage points from me. "I have cancer!" Worked, too. He gave them back.
• You can email me photos of suspicious moles and I can reply with some solid medical advice and loads of statistics.          

Who you gonna trust? If doctors are so up to date on cutting edge methods, why do they still use Latin and knives? 

Just a Bit Less Curious

Argyria: Smurfs, Siva, Violet Beuregard, and that guy walking across the Diamond-Vogel paint company parking lot explained.

Blessed Herb Colon Cleanse

Testimonials! "During those eighteen months, I observed all of my bowel movements and studied them as a scientist would. After my first cleanse. . .  popcorn kernels came out and I hadn't eaten any popcorn in years! "

"The second day of fasting I eliminated much mucus and each day there after. It wasn't until three days off the cleanse that I eliminated the REALLY hard thick mucus plaque like the photos show."

"When I had my first "weird" bowel movement, I found myself uncharacteristically poking around in the toilet with a chopstick. When I lifted my movement, it felt like it was made of rubber. It was clingy, and I couldn't break it apart."

"It really was the most unusual feeling. Once that first piece came out I was so happy to fast!! When I saw what was in me, I just wanted it all out. And for the next four days, it came out five or six times a day. Of course the first thing I did was email pictures to my mom."

Photos! And another testimonial to accompany them:" It's the absolutely grossest 'crap' that I've ever seen in my life, but better out than in." Warning! Even if you've recently changed an adult diaper you may not be mentally prepared for this!!!!!

Too many people are willing to chopstick, coat hanger, or lay their pooh out end to end with a measuring stick and take a picture for this to just be quackery.

Oooooooooo

This is why you love me!

Surge

Yesteray I held onto a smooth boomerang shaped "fat meter" and it sent a current throughout my body. I'm taking this last on faith since I didn't actually feel anything. At least I felt nothing until the results came in. And then - JUBILATION! I am in the double digits!

But really now that I've given it proper thought, I see it for what it really is. And  it's bad news.

Thank goodness for the sorry state of my saggy ovaries. These fat meters will certainly go the way of x-rays at shoe stores.

Organic Velvet?

So where does velvet come from? I can readily understand the synthtic stuff. But before we started messing around with natural ingredients how did it happen? I always imagine Henry VIII's undergarments as velvet. Reds and purples if you must know.

Vindicated

From today's Harper's

a study by scientists at the University of Saskatchewan
found that injecting rats with THC, the active ingredient
in marijuana, stimulated the growth of new brain cells.

By Request

Michael really wants me to blog about ethanol. I am pressed for time, but to keep a promise must advise you to stay away from it. I assume this covers all uses (not just digestion.)

End of the World as we Know it

GW done gonna blow 'er up!

Glad I am spending this time with Santana tonight.

Not Easy Being Green

Normally my health concerns tend toward hypochondria. Last year I asked my doctor if something could be done for my arthritis. For years I had been managing it just fine by complaining once in a while. He asked some seemingly unrelated questions and decided to run blood tests for lupus. This seemed close to a solid diagnosis. A residual of being occasionally uninsured left me a bit unsavy when it comes to testing. Really that's all it is - just testing. Like Scout asking if I will buy him a video game - just testing. The doctor gets to generate paperwork, a check is issued, and all his partners are happy.

Around the same time I braced myself for life after the premature lupus dx, my doctor suggested I had allergies. Despite waking every morning with my face seemingly filled with sand and sinus's that constantly remind me of their existence, I easily laughed this off. No way was I going to be one of those people. I took the free samples but left the prescriptions unfilled. And I left those free samples alone until yesterday. Before cutting the grass, I took a hit off some Rx nose spray and, well, I felt good all day. Damn it.

But now I've got it all figured out. The trees have known for a while that it is either us or them. And they have been slowly building up powerful toxins to wipe us all out. Bravo.