Purged by Sparticle

The Tightwad Gazette: Promoting Thrift as a Viable Alternative Lifestyle

Who doesn't love to read about the family that paid off their house in just two years by turning their garbage into Christmas presents and doing the math to figure out that masking tape is pennies cheaper per square inch than clear tape? Hence, Amy Dacyczyn (a.k.a The Frugal Zealot) has several titles under her belt and a thriving subscription based newsletter. So she is able to ask readers for suggestions when it comes to such things as "THE GLASS TOP CANNING JAR DILEMMA."

Amy alone has about 400 surplus quart glass-top-wire-bail canning jars and she figures there must be millions of such jars throughout the country in need of a "new use"  since the rubber rings necessary to use them for their original purpose are getting hard to find. But before she gets to the solicited tips she lists her own ideas. "Containers for Office Use: Rubber bands that come around flyers, paper clips, pens, and pencils. Containers for Kitchen Use: wooden spoon holder, match holder, silverware holder for entertaining, etc. Containers for Bathroom Use: cotton balls, cotton swabs, . . . " You name a room. Amy has a plan.

Her readers seem to work a bit harder:

• Gag gift: If you return from a trip, label an empty jar "warm air from Florida," "cold air from Colorodo," or "winnings from Las Vegas." (LaDonna Jewson, Wascaba, Minnesota)
• Scene Jar: Alexis Cripps of Fort Ripley, Minnesota, has a jar with a nest and artificial bird in it. The jar lies on its side on a small U-shaped frame.

She's also got a chapter on "Milk Jug Magic" and "Those Pesky Juice Lids." I'm not too convinced about saving money by not throwing anything away. If I didn't make a pinwheel out of an old milk jug, I probably would just not have a pinwheel. Ditto for not buying a display case for my fake bird.

And when my mother-in-law gifts us with home-made bread, her packaging takes a bit of the joy out it. I think that once a plastic baggie has "chicken thighs" written on it in permanent marker, it shouldn't be reused no matter how many times she hand washes it.

 

When Michael Ignatieff

writes about Isaiah Berlin in Isaiah Berlin: A Life "He is an inveterate nibbler, popping nuts and chocolate into his mouth as he talks, leaning forward in his chair to forage in the tins with his right hand" he could have been writing about me.

If I got mail

Dear Sparticle:

Books? What books?  It would seem your lack of posts makes you unequivocally unqualified to post in this category.

Reverently,

Astute Reader

Dear Astute Reader,

While time does not permit me to answer each letter, I must confess you have a genuine good point.

Remember when The Beaver would not fess up to what she referred to as her "decompression reading?" No? Well no matter. Suffice to say we all knew it had to be pretty bad, although just how bad it can get has only recently come home to me.

The person in charge of purchasing at my branch library fills the shelves with books no one should admit to reading. And I often do. Just this week:

God Wants You To Roll: The $21 Million "Miracle Cars" Scam - How Two Boys Fleeced America's Churchgoers -  I got sucked in by a description of Larry Flynt's gold plated wheelchair, but stayed on for the author's uncanny ability to put her finger right on the source of the lead personage's nickname: "Everyone knew him as Buddah, and it was easy to see why. The young man reeked of cologne. He wore a golf shirt, pressed khaki slacks, Cole Hann loafers, and a seventeen-hundred-dollar maroon leather jacket he'd purchased at the Bellagio in Vegas. When he wasn't smiling, he was talking." Seriously, that is the end of the paragraph. No wonder Buddah spent so much time alone. Can you imagine the flak he got? "What's that stank?"

Blood Brother: 33 Reasons My Brother, Scott Peterson, is Guilty - Adopted at birth, the author had not known Scott long before the murders. So it's not quite as shocking that she would turn on "her own flesh and blood." After Scott's arrest she called detectives to give them her evidence and despite claims to the contrary, seemed disappointed not to be called to testify. During the trial she contacted Amber Frey's attorney to tell her story. Maybe because Amber was getting screen time and she sniffed the inevitable book deals? Anyway, finally she gets to Chapter 8 - "The List." Here are some of the more compelling reasons.

#1 On our last day at Disneyland, when Ryan [author's son] went missing and everyone panicked, Scott stayed on his cell in his own world. Total disconnect. [Ryan was actually in the room the entire time, but still ten seconds of panic ensued.]

#2 While at Tommy's christening on January 12, 2003, Scott sat and held Tommy entire time and looked uncomfortable. Rector seemed to get bad feeling about Scott, like he knew something or wasn't buying it.

#13 Scott did not have money, according to Jackie [his mother] Yet he purchased items from REI and North Face outlets while here.

One burning question: How could a jury vote to convict without all this damning information?

So as you can see dear reader, not everything I read is blog worthy. In fact, I also read the acclaimed The World is Flat this week and can think of nothing to say about it other than that the author is incredibly proud of the title as a metaphor.

And of course, I incessantly devour your letters. Surely that must count for something?

Sincerely,

Sparticle

I kew it

A.J. Jacobs did not need to read the encyclopedia. His brillance was already evident just by coming up with the idea. Really, almost anyone could have written Know it All. But he adds proof to my assertion of his genius by casually mentioning that if you turn on close captioning and fast forward you can watch a lot more televison in less time. This will change my life as much as Google.

Jon Stewart called this book "a less complete version of the encyclopedia." What fun to only have to read the parts that someone with a keen eye  thought were sufficiently odd, incredible or otherwise interesting enough to include in a summary.

I had to return the book already. So many people are waiting for it at the library that it can only be checked out for one week - no renewals. Anyway, I don't have it here to reference and quote but I do remember the thrill of something he got not quite right (blue moons) and the very few things he learned that were old news to me.

Channeling Your Inner Crafty Beaver

Betsey B. Creekmore’ s Making Gifts from Oddments and Outdoor Materials (Hearthside: 1970) explains much of what is to be found at thrift stores nationwide. Ever run across a piece of green cone shaped Styrofoam with a lump of cork on the top? According to Betsey a “wonderfully satisfying brand of alchemy” allowed some happy hands to give a gift that truly shares of themselves. “Marvelous for Christmas gifts are Wise Men with apple heads and bodies of Styrofoam cones. If one apple darkens more than the others as it dries, so much the better since one of the Magi is said to have been black.” These pages attest to Betsey as a glass half full kind of gal.

In addition to the obvious outdoor materials: pine cones, seeds, flowers, leaves and more pine cones are an array of oddments like glass percolator tops. Oddments really make this book what it is. She never actually defines the term “oddment” but heartily condemns those who would throw away tin cans, cardboard tubes, candle stubs or egg shells. But my favorite project combines both the implicit unique characteristics of an oddment with the freak fruit of an outdoor material. Her bird feeder requires you to find “a large grotesquely bent peanut.” If you simply gather maple seeds you can “overlap these feathers for verisimilitude” and create a nice decoration for the presentation. Because you do not need to box this gift if it “sports a lavish bow of ribbon and supports a pair of bizarre birds made of nuts and pine cones.” I am so glad she said bizarre first.

1970 was also a ripe time for chemical means of preservation. A lot is made of the new found ability to resin, shellac, decoupage, and live better through plastic like never before. If your compost pile is anywhere near, shush it with some strong black plastic. Such treatment of outdoor materials is not meant for its ears.

Honorable mentions:

Yardstick cover
Decorated telephone directory
Lunchbox purse
Tin can bank
And more paper weights than you can shake a stick at